Following the flow, a reflection on 2019

Wow, how did it become the end of the year? Reflecting back, this has been a huge year.  In November of 2018 my eczema began a massive flare up that consumed my days for seven months.  I confronted stored emotions, traumas, I changed my diet multiple times, I received potent healing treatments and an outpouring of support.  I was forced to slow down and take a real good look at where I’ve been, how I handle stress, and how to practice equanimity with myself and my life situation.  I had to step a toe into the modern medical world which offered pain and relief, I met a wonderful human to be the caretaker for my cats when none of us could take it anymore as my allergy to them presented itself as a real problem, and their demand to be outdoor cats needed listening to.  


I danced 4-6 hours every week in a freeform practice, I journaled endless pages scripting movement classes that help unlock the spirit from the ego.  I found great joy in letting my guard down and dancing with others, I discovered that accepting the gifts of community was more necessary than scary for this scorpio introvert.  I learned to ask for help. I gave myself permission to not always present my “best self” in the company of others, as growing pains are not always pretty.  


I’ve accepted to walk beside Trey Donovan, a lovely layered human being that has common life passions, a teacher in his similar good and bad habits, a willingness to till the path of waking up.  Through endless talks and many travels, we focused this year on where to live that would sustain our beliefs around treading lightly on this planet, support our small bank accounts, and stoke the desire to dance and share the movement arts with others as a form of celebration and healing. 


When we visited Taos at the end of August, I finished the folding of 1000 cranes.  I began the project of folding with the move to Santa Cruz, which will eventually be sewn into a full length dress.  I trialed many kinds of paper, and fell in love with some patterned paper from Japantown in San Francisco which concluded my material search.  I folded less as my skin got worse, went back to it in short spurts with fervor. I shared cranes with those I met at coffee shops, with dear friends, with dying loved ones.  I kept the question open, if the completion of 1000 cranes brings your wish to truth, what is my wish? Sometimes it was for my skin to get better, sometimes it was to make enough money doing what I loved without making exceptions, sometimes it was to bring joy or hope to another.  Every crane was like its own little wish coming true, each containing a lesson or insight. So it seemed I had 1000 wishes granted, or truths uncovered. I folded for comfort, to ease my mind, as a challenge of how many I could fold in three minutes, a game of how many folds I could do with my eyes closed.  I folded instead of looking at my phone, I wrote messages inside the cranes and burned them in the fire and invited others to do the same. I had an intention of having others help me with the folding, but came to realize the 1000 cranes would be my effort, but the journey would include folding many more cranes with new and old friends along the way strengthening my community.  


When that last crane was folded I wondered what now? Three months later Trey bought an earthship in the Greater World community in Taos with the generous financial and emotional support of friends and family and we moved in on the last full moon of 2019, December 11th.  All the fears of moving to a new town bubble up, the worries of starting over again with work and community, but at 7am every morning, the sunrise is silently epic, and every evening the silent stars smile on our decision along this wild and mysterious ride.  


The flowing changes in location is expanding my view of community.   I miss you Chicago and Santa Cruz, those I saw daily to now once or twice a year.  But I recognize more and more the river we all swim in, bumping into each other from time to time, checking in on how we are doing, sharing in ways that bring fulfillment and support.  We are certainly in this together, and I am excited daily by the actions we each take to bring in joy and share joy. Once Trey and I get settled into this earthship life and the Taos terrain, we will begin hosting movement retreats, continue building the performance and teaching company of MovementLab, and welcome visits to experience the silent beauty out here on the mesa. 


Thank you 2019, hello 2020!